here do I begin? Relying on my intuition, the first word that comes to mind is love. Deep down, everyone wants to be loved and love; to feel accepted and a sense of belonging.Yet, there seems to be a lack of love, of affection, of intimacy, of self-confidence, respect and open-mindedness everywhere these days. This makes me curious: Why is there so much disconnection from ourselves and others.
The subject of love has fascinated me for as long as I can remember, probably because I have been something of a loner throughout my life. In school I felt like an outsider, and this feeling has always followed me. It’s not that I don’t have wonderful people around me, rather, I have found thanks to a lot of soul searching and therapy that in my case it has to do with a disconnection within myself. Now I am starting to see all the mask and roles that I have developed since childhood in order to fit in, be accepted and belong. The mask of perfection to not seem weak, the mask of an achiever to not seem incapable, the mask of a cheerleader to not seem needy. Letting go of these shields of protection is scary and requires support and time.
When you let go of what has been familiar and safe to you – a safety net so to speak – you are on unknown waters. And that is frightening and energy consuming, almost like learning a new language; a language of the body and mind working together and respecting each other’s needs. You have to listen very closely what the body is saying and learn to not react on everything that the mind is suggesting. The loop of that inner voice can, in its treacherous way, hold you back from loving and stepping into your own power. That voice goes back a long way, having its roots in our ancestor’s stories; the heartbreak of war, poverty, the beliefs that religion has imposed and beyond.
So, I have learned that learning to love myself is the way to integrating that disconnection within myself that creates the feeling of being an outsider and of being less than others. When I love myself, I support myself and I want to be good to myself. I prioritise my time according to what makes me feel nourished, seen and aligned. I have also learned to find the right support and surround myself with people who have the same interests and values as me. Our generation is still breaking free from the ghosts and pain that the wars left in the hearts of our grandparents and parents, and the gender roles that has been imposed by religion, amongst others structures. It takes time to outgrow such deep-rooted pain and beliefs. My contribution to the healing of the disconnection that I see around me is to talk about these delicate subjects openly, and hopefully in a way that resonates with others who are interested in connection and living in alignment with my own values.